Dating Expectations

Impetus

In my experience with dating (on/off the internet) I have become aware of a simple problem: expectations. It seems very common for people to have VERY different expectations or motivations for dating. In this post, I will thoroughly demonstrate what YOU can expect from me, and WHO should and should not contact me. My goal is to make it so unambiguous what you can expect from me, and who should NOT contact me, that ONLY the right people will feel comfortable and confident contacting me. This will save a lot of wasted time and energy on everyone’s part. Because after all time is all we have and we must not squander it.

Disclaimer

I do want everyone who reads this to understand that this is not meant to be disrespectful in any way. This is not about judging or discriminating against anyone. To be clear I am NOT perfect, nor do I think I am “better” than anyone. There are PLENTY of people that I do not meet their standards. I am not their match. And that’s ok. I know my place, I know what I can realistically afford, and what I don’t qualify for.

So before you feel offended, understand it’s what is best for all parties. I have tried to make it as “impartial” and “unemotional” as I can, but I will admit that there are some things I simply have no tolerance for. I will attempt to keep things as professional as I can. Ultimately I am just trying to be responsible for solving this problem once and for all. Thank you for your understanding.

Sexuality

My gut instinct tells me this is going to be the most polarizing “aspect” of my personality/identity. I believe it will be a deal breaker for many. That is not a problem at all, and I perfectly understand it. In this article I lay bare exactly what I find erotic. Needless to say, if this bothers you or makes you feel uncomfortable: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Financial Support / Dependence

This is maybe one of the biggest issues I see: expectations of some kind of financial support. I cannot stress this enough (and I am sure even when I spell it out there will still be people who ignore it):

I am not interested in supporting you financially in any way, shape, or form.

DO NOT CONTACT ME if this is what you are hoping, dreaming, or scheming for. There are NO FREE RIDES with me. You will be taking care of yourself 100%. There is no “fantasy” here and I am never going to be your “prince charming” to take you away from all your problems. And trust me when I say, you don’t want to owe me money EVER. Because if by some method you are able to coax some financial resources out of me, I will make sure to extract 10x as much value out of you (and it will not be pleasant). What I expect is that you can take care of yourself financially. That you are responsible for this aspect of your life. I am interested in collaboration not exchange so I expect you to pull your own weight.

Friendship Before Romance

I have already written extensively on this topic: friendship is the foundation of romance. And laying that foundation is going to take a long long time. DO NOT CONTACT ME if you are not interested or capable in investing the time and energy into building a friendship (with the possibility of romance in the future) over a long period of time (years). I am in zero rush to be involved romantically. You should be just as slow and stable in your approach to romance. If what you are looking for is a quick, immediate “romance” I am absolutely not the right match for you. This is going to be a long long long long process, talking over months to years, getting to know each other and ideally working together on some mutual goal.

Responsibility / Maturity

We have already touched on a specific subset of this topic (the financial support/dependence issue), but it applies in general to ALL of your life: you need to be a highly responsible person. If you do not have one or more of the following: DO NOT CONTACT ME. You are probably not responsible or mature enough to match with me:

• serious career (minimum 10 years)
• fully self-employed / small business owner (minimum 5 years)
• advanced education degree (minimum 4 years)
• property owner

I have A LOT of responsibilities on my shoulders, and I have invested a decade and more into multiple degrees. Needless to say, I have a lot of experience committing to a serious investment over a significant amount of time. You need to have a comparable experience as well in order to match me.

Debt / Financial Issues

This is really a continuation of the previous sections on financial support/dependence and responsibility/maturity: no serious financial issues or debt are acceptable here. If you are not capable of making responsible financial decisions or paying off any debts you owe: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Contact Form Submission

Filling out a contact form does not in itself guarantee I will respond. I have to look over your submission and determine for myself whether it makes sense to initiate further contact. DO NOT CONTACT ME if you believe that you are entitled in anyway to any response or “return” for submitting a form. You are entitled to nothing.

Single Moms

I am not interested in raising another man’s children: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Criminal History

If you’ve ever served prison time for a serious crime: DO NOT CONTACT ME. I cannot afford the risk of dealing with someone with a criminal past, it’s just too risky for me.

Abortion

If you have ever had an abortion: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Drugs / Alcohol

If you use recreational drugs or have any kind of substance abuse issue: DO NOT CONTACT ME. While I do drink from time to time, I’m not interested in drugs of any kind.

Smoking

Same rules about Drugs/Alcohol apply to smoking: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Sexual Partner Rate

Let’s do a little math. What we want to figure out is, on average, how many sexual partners you have in a $10$ year period (i.e the ten year rate or $\text{TYR}$). Here is the formula:

If after evaluating the formula above using your body count and age and the value you get is greater than 1 (i.e. $\text{TYR} > 1$): DO NOT CONTACT ME. We won’t match. My $\text{TYR}$ is less than 1 (i.e. $\text{TYR} < 1$). I don’t easily have sexual partners, not even because I’m disinterested in sex, but because I have too many other things that I need to do and it’s very difficult to get my time and energy. If you are not the same, we will NOT match.

Long-Term Relationships

If you have had sexual relationships (i.e. your body count is greater than zero: $\text{bodies} > 0$) but none of them were serious and committed relationships lasting at least $1$ year or more: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Dominant Women

This might go without saying, but if you have any interest in dominating a man in any way: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Divorce 50/50

If you think women deserve half a man’s assets in a divorce settlement: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Women’s Opression

If you think women are oppressed ca. 2024: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Trans Women

The same rules about dominant women apply to trans women but with a few additional stipulations. If any of the below list apply to you, DO NOT CONTACT ME:

• ever penetrated men anally/orally or interested/fantasized about it
• have had or want to get bottom surgery

I think it goes without saying that, considering my disposition towards dominant women, I am not interested in a “top” trans woman. I have ZERO tolerance for this kind of behavior. If you are a trans woman you should ONLY be interested in being penetrated anally/orally. You should have ZERO interest in using your genitalia for any penetrative purpose. You are not a man, and I am not interested in a man. Your place in my life will be as a woman. Know that, and be about that.

My issue with bottom surgery is the obvious health implications. I am not going to take on that risk. Trans women that match me will not need to take on such a risky operation.

Communism

If you think communism is a legitimate solution to societal issues: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Anti-Firearms

If you honestly think disarming the public is a legitimate solution for any problem: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Hate Speech vs. Freedom of Speech

If you believe that “speech” can be a form of violence, or believe that “free speech” should have limits: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Organized Religion

If you follow any of the “abrahamic” religions or any other organized religion: DO NOT CONTACT ME. I do not subscribe to organized religion and have no tolerance for it.

Unresolved Trauma / Issues

No one is perfect, and we all have issues that we must learn to deal with (and ultimately resolve). If you cannot, or don’t want, to deal with your issues, or don’t even know what your issues are: DO NOT CONTACT ME. I have spent many years taking responsibility for and resolving my own issues. And while there is always more to learn/improve upon, I am able to deal with my issues, and live my life. You need to be able to do the same.

Sex Drive

If you don’t think having sex daily (potentially more than once) is normal, you’re “asexual”, or any other disposition where you can’t just enjoy having sex in your relationship: DO NOT CONTACT ME. Though I may not be promiscuous by most standards, I still have a strong sex drive. I still have warm blood pumping in my veins, and I am interested in having an extremely vigorous and active sex life (within a very serious, mature committed relationship). You should be 100% the same.

Long Distance

The reality is that I’m interested in countries outside the U.S.A and that means if we match, I’m probably not in your country (at the moment). This means we will be communicating and becoming friends over a long distance. If that is an issue for you, if you don’t want to invest that kind of time into getting to know me from a “distance”: DO NOT CONTACT ME. You do need to understand that there is a strong probability that we may NEVER actually meet. So all the time you invest into getting to know me, may never lead to an “in-person” meeting. You need to be very comfortable with this reality.

Communication Methods

Assuming you fill out the contact form and we begin to message, you need to be very comfortable talking on both audio and video call. If you cannot handle that, for whatever reason: DO NOT CONTACT ME. If the timing is an issue, we can set a day/time to call. I am very willing to work with you IF you are sincere about getting to know me and respecting my time and energy. You respect my time, and I will respect yours.

But if it feels like I’m “forcing” you to call over audio or video I will immediately cease all contact with you permanently. There is no excuse for being difficult about this. I cannot afford to invest time into someone who has some “difficulty” calling at least through an audio call. If it’s this difficult to communicate with you, imagine how difficult EVERYTHING will be. I simply do not have the time for this. Be serious 100% in or get out.

Polyamory / Non-Monogamy

I barely have time to deal with one intimate relationship let alone multiple. If you are interested in non-monogamous relationships, or have ever been in non-monogamous relationships: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Marriage

While I am only interested in monogamy, I do not believe in the legal institution of marriage. There is no objective advantage for a man to be legally married. DO NOT CONTACT ME if you want this in any way, shape, or form. No there are no exceptions.

Children

You know the harsh reality is, though I would love to have children ideally, I doubt that I will be able to. I simply cannot afford to be a parent (both physically and emotionally). If this is something that really matters to you: DO NOT CONTACT ME. Though it is theoretically possible for me to have children in the future, if I had to gamble I would bet on me not having children. I can accept that, and you need to be able to accept that too.

Socialization

I am very comfortable being alone, and I have an extremely small social circle. I don’t enjoy socializing for the sake of socializing. I don’t really derive much value from interacting with most people, and I also have far too many other things I want and need to do with my time. DO NOT CONTACT ME if you have an extensive social life, you’re extremely extroverted, or just incapable of being alone. You need to be very comfortable living a solitary life, with very little influence from the outside world.

Anonymity

I tend to keep my identity private, and hence I have no social media with pictures of myself or my life. The “censored” selfie below is the most you’re going to get (until we video call). If you’re expecting to have a lot of pictures of me, other than what I have provided below, and you can’t wait to video call to verify what I look like: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Social Media

I do have some social media but as I mentioned above, I don’t post any pictures of myself and I do not engage with anyone on social media. I only use social media as an occasional “creative outlet” or to get some news. If you are CONSTANTLY on social media, spending time commenting and engaging in random “drama”: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Online Dating

I’m going for “quality” not “quantity” when it comes to meeting people (be it on/offline). If you’re spending HOURS talking to random people from the internet EVERYDAY: DO NOT CONTACT ME. In order to match with me, you shouldn’t have the time to talk to SO MANY people everyday, constantly spending hours daily talking to random people. No one who has that kind of time to waste can EVER match me.

Open Borders / Immigration / Diversity

If you believe that “open borders” is reasonable or you are “pro-immigration” or “pro-diversity”: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Racial Reality

If you think that “race” has no genetic basis or scientific evidence, and therefore “we are all one race”: DO NOT CONTACT ME.

Moral

If you’ve made it this far, and at least read the majority of the stipulations I laid out you may notice a very common theme: responsibility. What I’m looking for is people that are mature, responsible, and serious. People who REALLY KNOW who they are and what they want. These are the type of people who match me, as I am very serious, responsible, and I know what I want. If you think you match you are more than welcome to contact me, but be warned I will want to see the evidence of whatever you claim. Talk is cheap here, I want to see what YOU HAVE DONE.