Gotta Give 2 Get

Introduction

This is a topic I have been contemplating for quite some time. It’s what you might call a universal rule, but I find it is very relevant to dating (and to business in general):

You must give in order to get.

The remainder of this article will focus on how exactly this saying relates to dating, and maybe even entertain you just a little.

Hinge Cringe

So I recently began the process of filling out a dating profile on this app Hinge. While perusing through the other profiles, I happened to see one that was actually funny. It kept mentioning something about Chilli’s Triple Dippers which struck me as both odd and funny (at least relative to the vast majority of tedious and unimaginative profiles). That’s when I realized something that I had been thinking about for quite some time: most dating profiles miss the point. I mean most profiles talk about some version of the following:

• “I want X”
• “I’m looking for X”
• “If you’re Y don’t contact …”
• “I enjoy having fun … fun is fun for me”

Profiles like these (which are the vast majority) are too focused on “taking” and not focused enough on “giving.” Whoever is your “target audience”, and whatever you want from them, you have a significantly higher probability of obtaining it (I argue) by being funny, charming, and entertaining (like the Chilli’s Triple Dipper profile).

So I decided to attempt my own “humor” and the above screenshot is what I put out. Admittedly not my best work, but I “LOL’d” quite hard while writing it. I mean it made me laugh, and maybe will make someone else laugh, and that really is the point right? It feels like that is the point, like making myself laugh, and maybe someone else too (my potential matches) is what we should strive for right? But why?

Give, Give, Give, Take

Dating is essentially business: the business of selling yourself as a potential asset. Now the point of an “asset” is that it will bring something of value to the other party (in this case your potential matches). That’s the “deal” we are all making consciously or unconsciously when we “advertise” in the dating domain (like dating apps or other “dating contexts”). More often than not all you’re going to get is a single impression (i.e. a first impression) and at least on these dating apps, that’s going to be the initial profile view by your potential matches.

Now, if you only have one impression to make do you think it will go better if you talk about what you want, or what you can offer the other party? Which of these sounds more appealing to you:

• 1: “I want X, and I like Y, and I think Z …”
• 2: “What do police hotlines and glory holes have in common? Both rely on anonymous tips …”

Obviously, I’m being a bit hyperbolic here, but the point is that, while option 2 is seemingly not serious, it gives the reader (your potential collaborator/ally) something. Instead of reading another empty and tedious profile that amounts to “I want X, and here’s all these details that don’t mean much”, your “potential match” got a laugh, and maybe lightened those burdens we all carry just a little bit. That is priceless … that is really what people need, and that will absolutely make a much better impression than option 1.

Moral

Now, I’m not suggesting that you must be humorous … that is merely one way to give to your potential matches. There are MANY ways in which your dating profile can actually give to your potential matches. You can also literally just talk about what you can offer. For example:

• “I love cooking and want to cook for my SO all the time”
• “I am dynamite in the sack (ask my EX lol) and I will rock your world”
• “I’m a great listener according to all my friends (who I listen to)”
• “I have a thriving business and love helping my friends and family with their business strategies”

Make no mistake, all of the above do count as “technically” giving your potential matches something (instead of maximum yapping). What I will say, is that at least with the “humor” it’s “instantly given”, whereas anything else is more of a “potential gift”. And, it goes without saying, that something actual will always be superior to something potential. While beyond the scope of this current article, ideally you would want your profile to have a mixture of different “types” of giving (like the examples shown above).

But regardless of how you give, what matters is the motivation and sentiment:

I want to give to you before I ask for what I want.

You can call it respect or maturity or consideration, but whatever it is, it is the correct first step to finding and building a truly fulfilling relationship that can change both parties for the better: a true partnership.